A conversation with God.

Being in relationship with the Holy Spirit continually goes to show me how little I know and how easy it is to receive truth when you allow yourself the opportunity to listen. Earlier this week I had a conversation with Holy Spirit. His words threw me, drove me into the Word and caused me to rethink some portions of my belief system. I was walking into the prayer room on Monday and I asked Him this simple question, “Holy Spirit what are you saying right now?” I was not prepared for His response.

“I created you with a place inside that I will not satisfy.”

What? That seems to go against my whole understanding of “one thing I desire” and “You alone are my portion in this life”. I asked for further explanation and being the great counselor He is, the Holy Spirit shared His truth with me. I am going to explain what I learned from that conversation, which lead me to the first few chapters of Genesis.

Adam was created to live and walk with God in the garden. He spent time having face to face relationship with the Father of Lights. They were very close and no sin prevented the deepest level of connection possible between the created and his Creator. But it was God who awakened Adam to an internal desire NOT for God, but for human companionship. God recognized that although His relationship with Adam was glorious, it was not good for Adam to be alone. So, the Father decided to make one comparable to Adam. (I personally like this little bit of information. God knew Adam needed some one who was like himself and a woman that fit his needs.)

So, instead of just making Eve right there on the spot because the Father knew it was what Adam needed, he first allowed Adam to identify the desire. Adam named all the animals and then it occurred to him that he did not name one helper comparable to himself. I think the Holy Spirit awakened Adam to this desire and ache in the process of naming. God put in Adam, the perfection of man, a desire and longing that the Trinity was not intended to meet.

As the Holy Spirit put it to me earlier this week, “I am too big.” To illustrate His point, the Spirit gave me a picture of a garden hose turned on full blast and then attempting to fill a small child’s cup with water. The hose is just too powerful and the water just splashes back out, instead of filling up the cup. God is too big to try and place in the space created for human love in the bonds of marriage.

This revelation came as a surprise to me. I live in a community that declares very regularly that God alone satisfies the heart of man. But I think the soul and spirit of man is a little more complicated than we like to suppose.

I believe there is a place in the belly of every person that has a consuming desire and longing to be completely fulfilled with love and acceptance. I think of this place as a deep, black pit with no end or bottom. This is the place our spirit dwells. This is also the place I usually feel empty, hungry for more than just living and pain. I believe this is the place that God alone can fill, with His never-ending oceans of love.

But I also believe there is a place in the heart of every person that has a small desire and need for human companionship, for marriage and a partner. This place is easy to fill up and often we as humans get these two separate places inside confused and mixed up. Most people try and use human love and affection to fill the deep cavern of longing in their spirit for God, which never works and ends miserably. But I believe there are also people (myself included) who try and use God to fill the small space in their heart created for human companionship and marriage, when God in fact was the one who recognized He was not enough and knew the importance of man finding a human helper along this journey of life.

For the small amount of people called to be celibate (and I really think this is a tiny amount of people) I think they just chose to live with that small place in their heart empty, never finding satisfaction in the companionship of marriage. But it is my strong belief God desires to raise up messengers in the last generation of history and those “preparers of the way” will be born to couples radically perusing identity in Christ and living for the knowledge of God to be their children’s food and drink. The enemy desires to confuse single people, to get them off track and to convince them that they need no one but God. He wants to hold back marriages grounded and rooted in the love of Christ. His tactic is to convince them they do not need help. That they are fine all alone. And yet that very truth compelled the Father to pull the rib out of His first creation to design a partner! What a beautiful picture of the Bride and Christ Jesus. Just as we need physical companionship in marriage, so we need spiritual unity between the Church and her Bridegroom God. And it was out of the pierced side of Jesus that the Bride of Christ was to find victory over death and freedom from sin. Not only did this sacrifice allow for redemption, but it also offered the unimaginable place of partnership between Our Lord and His bride to be established for all of eternity. Not only do we get to receive eternal life, but we are to become the helpmate for the Savior of the world! I love the beauty and care woven into the creation story; what a satisfying pool of living water to give drink to the simple soul. The Father truly knows our best, even when we are convinced life is good.

“And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’”