Ambiguity over time

Sometimes blogging forces me to explain with words the complicated swirl of Spirit-lead movement guiding my path. I have wanted to write several times over the last several days, but get overwhelmed at the thought of nailing down just what exactly I should focus on. So I will just begin and see where it ends…

My job is very slow these days. This has been a hard time from me because I enjoy feeling useful and being productive. But this pause the Lord seems to have intentionally put on so many portions of my life seems to be Divine. I am now enjoying more time to pray, read and just be with Abba. Tonight I went and saw Expelled, which is a great documentary by Ben Stein addressing the controversy between intelligent design and evolution amongst scientists and doctors. I highly recommend it and was shocked at the threads within the movie that seemed to speak to so many parts of my life. It is really worth watching.

I am currently reading Your People Shall be My People, written by Don Finto who is a Gentile turned passionate Jewish supporter. His books lays out the cornerstones of Israelology (study of Israel). The book is solidifying so much in my heart and connecting the dots in my mind about many things I have heard over the last few years at the house of prayer. I highly recommend this book, especially to those interested in the End Times. I am also just about done with my slow read of Seeds of Contemplation. This book keeps drawing me back to how little I know about the One I worship and how desperate I should be for more understanding. Here is a quote:

“Life in this world is full of pain. But pain, which is the contrary of pleasure, is not necessarily the contrary of happiness or of joy. Because joy flowers in the full expansion of freedom that reaches out without obstacle to its supreme object, fulfilling itself in the perfect activity of disinterested love for which it was created.”

A week ago I was given The Shack by a friend. I had heard rumblings about this Christian novel for a few months, but was interested in reading it for myself. I tend to shy away from novels in the Christian genre, but people were saying this book changed their lives. I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed it. I kept thinking to myself, “I can’t believe I like this man’s writing style”. In the end the book made me want to love God more and so thankful for the great diversity of His love and the way He expresses His affection to us.

A part from reading I have also been pushing into what it means to dialogue with the Holy Spirit at all times. I am challenging myself to ask Him questions often, instead of just going through the day on my own. I find that keeping Him on my mind often is helped by asking Him what He is saying and doing. His thoughts at times surprise me and other times require me to act, but I can not shake this joy inside when I stop to hear Him. It really is the joy of salvation to be joining with the Spirit in His plans for me. This experiment has also caused issues to surface and weaknesses to be exposed. I am seeing areas of pride that I did not see before and places where I am in great need of God’s help to be humble. I think fear attaches itself to pride as a way to mask the root of sin. But it comes down to not trusting God and instead trusting in myself, which is idolatry, and that is just pride. I thought I hated pride, but I think I just desired to hate it. I am asking God to help me hate it and to pull that root completely out of my soul.

This blog seems to have been all over the place, but yet everything seems to fit nicely into my heart. I am amazed over and over at how well Jesus loves me. His best far exceeds my idea of good. There is so much freedom in abiding in the Vine. I long to tap into the fullness of this joy.

More to come on God ending abortion…my heart is stirred on the topic….